The Gift of the TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting

Upon the death of my precious daughter Nina on my birthday, May 11, 1995, I became eligible for the “club” that no parent wants to ever belong.  That “club” is The Compassionate Friends (TCF), a self-help group for bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents who have experienced the death of a child at any age and from any cause. TCF became for me personally a lifeline to sanity, a place where I found understanding, comfort and friendship from those others who had walked the same walk. They were a beacon of light and hope that I too would somehow, as impossible as it seemed, survive the unthinkable.

As you can imagine, to say that the holiday season is difficult for families who are bereaved is a gross understatement. I barely remember the first Christmas after Nina died other than I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up after it was all over.  But I also remember that I felt then as I continue to feel now:  I had to ensure that Nina would be remembered. I needed to hear her name spoken; I wanted to share Christmas memories; I just wanted to know that family and friends would never forget.  I can assure you that bereaved parents fear that their child will be forgotten.

Sunday, December 8^th is the TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting. In loving memory of all children who have died, ( “…that their light may always shine.”) at 7 p.m. candles will be lit for one hour, and as they burn down in one time zone they will be lit in another, creating a virtual 24-hour wave of light around the globe (I have often wished for a view from a satellite orbiting the Earth – what a sight that must be!).

To find out more go to: http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/Special-Events/Worldwide_Candle_Lighting.aspx 

The past few years I have lead the St. Paul Chapter’s program held in conjunction with the TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting. From my vantage point, I clearly see each tear-stained face. Though the room is dimly lit in the beginning, as each flame is lit for a child gone too soon, the room gradually becomes bathed in a warm and peaceful glow. The candles are held proudly aloft in a show of courage and solidarity, with the belief that our children look down and see our lights of love lifted heavenward, signifying that though gone is the life, never is their light.

Having my family and friends attend our TCF St. Paul Chapter candle lighting service at Beaver Lake Lutheran Church in remembrance of Nina each year is one of the highlights of the holidays for me, as well as knowing that others who are unable to be at the service are lighting candles at home for Nina. And if you do light a candle for someone, let the family of that person know that you did so. Believe me when I tell you that will have made their day so much better just by knowing you made that gesture to remember.  If you are unable to light a candle this evening, please light a candle in your heart for all children who left too soon.

Look for our lights on Sunday, angels Nina and Chris! We love you forever!