Follow The Grief Toolbox 

  • |    
Home

Missing Your Parents During the Holidays Series: 7 Ways to Feel Better (Part 4)


How to have a conversation with a parent who's died

This one goes out to the people who believe in life after death. Not having a back and forth conversation with direct communication with your parent due to their transition from the physical world can be totally depressing. I often find myself missing just being able to ask them a question. The thing is, you still can.

You have to be open minded. I'm not going to try and convince anyone to believe in anything they don't want to believe so if you're not open, please don't read on.

You have to decide to be open to another way of communicating. It's like learning another language. If you want to go to France, you have to either take a translator to get around or decide to learn a little bit of french, right? Same thing goes for communicating with your mom or dad. Here are some ways I use to communicate with my parents.

 

Dreams

Dreams are a direct way to talk to your parents. Sometimes before bed I will ask my dad to come hang out with me in my dreams. It doesn't always happen when I want it, but sometimes I do get him. The difference between a dream and a visit is that dreams are have the potential to be like nightmares where bad stuff happens... the visits are us literally hanging out, eating pizza, he asks how I'm doing, he says he's doing well, he looks amazing, young and healthy, like my best memories of him! I love these dreams.

I had a visit-dream once where I was absolutely sure it was my mom. We met at the train station and I gave her a big hug and said, "wow I haven't seen you in so long, you look amazing! I miss you." And she said, "thank you! I miss you, too". She said she was doing well and enjoying "life". She looked young and healthy... said she had to go, and then she was off into the sunset.

 

Asking questions in my head and waiting for a "gut feeling" response

I often have a burning question and so, I just ask it. I then wait for something that doesn't feel like my own thought to come in. Sometimes communications with the spirit world can be confused with your own thoughts... but after practicing it will start to feel like not yours and you can begin to separate it and say "thank you" to your mom or dad for the answer to the question. Sometimes they won't give you the answer, but you will get a lead... which will then *lead* you to an answer. Be patient... this does not happen over night and takes practice.

 

Asking questions in my head and waiting for a "sign"

Sometimes I do the same thing as the above, ask a question, but I release completely when I will hear back.  The spirit world does not have clocks and doesn't work with earth time... so sometimes you have to be patient. Sometimes the sign is direct and sometimes you have to look outside the lines.

I've gotten completely direct communications like my iPhone, siri, starting to beep by itself without me touching it, and it will say things like "I'm home" and "hello". The other day I had a post it note do a complete 180 degree turn in front of my very eyes - no wind, no heat, no movement from me. On the post it note I had written "make a background for what you want this year" (instead of making a vision BOARD, make a vision BACKGROUND for my computer since I'm on it so much). I took it as a sign that I should definitely do that...

Last year I had so many signs where I was thinking to myself that I needed to be somewhere or go somewhere or do something in particular and then there would be someone with the same name as my dad...? The guy that moved me to my apt in Hamilton from Rutherford? Mike Snyder. And I only knew his name was Mike... and last minute, I asked for his contact info, so he wrote it down. I have no idea why I had asked, but I just did and on the note was his last name, Snyder.

An intern that sat at the desk before for a part time gig I had for a non-profit? Michelle Snyder. A programmer for the non-profit who never really 'stopped by' ever but who happened to be there one day when I had walked out a door I almost never used... his name? Mike Snyder. I went to a Stop & Shop and before I scanned anything (cards, keychains, etc) the example person's name on the credit card example on the screen instead of an image with John Doe 12345678029, it said Joanne Snyder. I was FLOORED! (I actually have a picture of this somewhere, I'll have to post it on my blog.)

Songs that come on the radio when I was just thinking of one of my parents... and I "happen" to turn the radio on at that very moment... My radio a few days ago was tuned to my mom's favorite station, Oldies 98.1, when I hadn't touched the dial or changed the channel in weeks. It's like she wanted me to listen to Christmas music on her favorite radio station, and that was her saying hello. One day I was driving (windows were up) and I smelled Christmas trees all of a sudden... I hadn't been near one at all! I have so many more examples of these things, I take them as a hello!

 

Writing exercise

I was just chatting back and forth with one of my readers, Amanda, who was looking for some advice on getting to sleep... and missing her mom who just passed in August. I suggested getting a journal and simply writing writing writing until you can't write anymore... even if it doesn't make sense. Run-ons... pictures... all and any of it. I told her, "I did this cool experiment where I asked my dad to write me a letter and I said you could write it through my hands... and I just sat there and when thoughts started to bubble up I just started to write them down. My pen was moving faster than I could even think! It was just going and going and what I came out with on the other side definitely did NOT feel like it was me writing it!"

I think this one is especially cool if you're open because you can literally have a conversation and you can get feedback right away. This one you have to be especially open to because if you have a closed mind at all, spirits won't come. They won't even try. They know you're going to talk your way out of what you just experienced.

 

Talking via a psychic medium

I have a woman, Anne, who I talk to every once in a while. She specializes in connecting with people from the other side. She does in person AND over the phone readings. If you happen to go in person, she will record the session. I've gone to her several times for questions I had for my mom and dad. For some reason, only my mom will come through, but I don't mind, I feel the CLOSEST to my mom when I'm talking through a medium like Anne. Here's her website and info if you're interested and OPEN in talking with your parents: visitswiththedead.com

 

 

Share This Article With Friends

About the Author

"The Last Words Ever Spoken" A free book for you. 19 Pages, PDF. Get it, here

My name is Lisa A. Snyder and I have lost both parents in my 20′s to cancer. My father passed away the day before my 23rd birthday from Hodgekins Disease Lymphoma in October 2004 and my mother passed away when I was 27, to AML (Leukemia), in June 2009. After being by their side during the decline of their health, I learned to be present and to help each of my parents finish up their business here in preparation for transitioning to whatever is after this life, deal with family, hospitals, keeping up my energy level, staying afloat in my own life as well as process my own grief.

Now, I’m working towards understanding how to live and keep living as best I can with life’s challenges I face daily, not having any parents. I’m trying to continue to live a healthy, active and adventurous, art filled life while I attempt to understand how to cope each day that goes by that they aren’t in my physical life.

My Intention is to connect those of us who have lost our mothers, our fathers or both parents, at any age, through art, writing, and focusing on the positive, despite these circumstances that have changed us forever.

Losing your parents could be anything from cancer, illness, sudden death, divorce, separation, being adopted, growing up not knowing who your mother or father was or being cut off from your parents because of your sexuality or life decisions.


Read more about my journey on my blog: http://LosingYourParents.org
See the art I create on my website: http://LisaASnyder.com
Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LosingParents
Like me on Facebook: http://facebook.com/LosingYourParents

Shopping cart

View your shopping cart.

Featured Product

Grief Diaries
$14.95
Patti was 14 when her father died suddenly of a heart attack. Mary was 26 when her father died from a fall. Vicki was 5...

Register Your Toolkit Here


Learn more about this informational and inspirational DVD program offering hope to the bereaved.

Popular Content