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Throughout the grieving process, some days are going to be better than others. Some days the pain of grief hits us like a ton of bricks, and for no apparent reason. There's no warning sign, no rhyme or reason for the pain, it just is. These seemingly "random" days of sorrow can be even harder than the ones you can predict like birthdays or anniversaries. At least with those days you can predict the sadness and respond accordingly. So what do you do when you're blindsided by a particularly tough day? Here are 4 ways to cope when grief shows up, unannounced.

During the grieving process it's common to feel like you're at the whim of your unpredictable emotions. There's a loss of control that many feel during this time, and emotions play a major roll in that. One moment you could be feeling down, thinking about your loss, and the next you could be rolling in laughter thinking about a funny memory of your loved one. For some, it helps to talk about these emotions with friends and family. Others might need something more concrete to do in order to take control of these emotions and pull back the reigns a little.

The grieving process is extremely painful. After the death of a loved one, it feels like the pain will never go away. Although the pain will never fully go away, there will come a day when the heavy burden of grief will feel lighter. While that is a sign that you are healing, with it comes the unexpected side-effect of guilt. Know that what you're feeling is common and a perfectly normal experience during the grieving process. Here are some reminders to help you deal with guilt after the loss of your loved one.

My search for a poem for this week was very short; as soon as I happened upon “After a Death,” by Swedish poet Tomas Transtromer, I knew I was hooked. The poem is short (and translated into English, by Robert Bly), but its images are so poignant that it seems perfectly self-contained:

Once there was a shock

All successes in life, especially when adapting to the death of our loved ones, depends on the quality of our inner life. The quality of that mindset directly depends on the beliefs, thoughts, choices, experiences, and commitment we generate to face the numerous changes that the absence of our loved ones brings.

Empathy is having the ability to recognize and share the feelings of another person. It's what allows us as humans to have compassion for those who are suffering. Because we have empathy, we can recognize when a person is grieving and express our sympathy appropriately. However, some situations are easier to be empathetic about than others. Sometimes it seems like our life experiences are so far removed from those of the person grieving, that it's hard to conger up these feelings of empathy.

Confucius (551-497 B.C.E.), the great Chinese philosopher, is known for his high moral values as taught through his famous aphorisms. Who among us hasn't heard, or most likely in jest said; "Confucius say..."

Reportedly, he was once asked, "What are the most important virtues for leading a successful, moral, and fulfilling life?" His answer leads me to believe that he knew some good Funeral Directors, because what he said describes their qualities. In his customary brevity, he said the most important virtues were; humility, compassion, patience, and detachment.