Suffocating in grief.
There comes a time when you are faced with the most simplistic and most challenging decisions of your life.
When grief has become so complicated with overtones of how sweet peace would look like in the stillness of the darkest black you ever saw.... defeat rears it's ugly truth blinding you from the light.....death.
How do I live without you? That's a question that rings in my head 24 hours 7 days per week. I feel like people are tired of my influx of mental instability. Even my counselors. My head and heart are stuck. The stop button is frozen, ceased to a solid singular event. That day. That day robbed me, it blindsided me, from whence there is no return. Nothing.
The shadow of the day casts a likeness that numbs the heart and soul to transparency. Each breath that I breathe resembles an explosion of love that can't escape my prison of life in grief. Each thought that passes through the fog wrapped in armored steel penetrates deep within my soul and echoes I can't feel today.
I haven't written about this, mainly because of the feedback I might get. But, I'm at a point where, the truth is the truth and this is my truth.
One week after my son passed away, my daughter in law and I went to a medium. It was the best, most important, decision I ever made.
I am a griever.
I am a survivor.
A poem Keith Nickerson
Shadows fill my aching heart,
The Sun, it does not shine,
And grayness, it does not part,
And leaves my soul behind.
Birds sing their songs out loud,
I hear but do not feel.
The happiness it does not come,
My brokenness are wounds of steel.
Peace I search for...
