Have I ever said, "I hate Thursdays?"...
A year ago today, my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
Today Thursday, May 15th 2014.
30 weeks ago, my son passed away;
It was Thursday Oct 17, 2013.
On this day, I remember Brain Tumor Awareness ,
in the month of May.
I relive the memory of all that he endured - not knowing.
All that pain.
How odd he would be diagnosed in the month of May - of all months.
Why Not April? Why in May? ...
Was it destined that my child would
Be diagnosed with a brain tumor in the month of Brain Tumor awareness?
Is there some grand meaning behind that?
Every Thursday ,I remember his last breathe at 11:46am
A memory that haunts me.
The last rise and fall of his chest.
His body going cold in my arms, as I held him
The memory of feeling his life leave his body.
Who would have guessed a Thursday, a day of the week,
would have such significance to me; and , my life going forward.
Who whould have guessed, Thursdays would bring such pain.
Who would have guessed, Thursdays would be the ending of my sons journey
And the remembering, 30 weeks later to when it all began-
an anniversary of his diagnosis-
Triggering me to relive the trauma all over again.
Who would have guessed, a day of the week could hold such meaning.
I hate Thursdays...
A friend say that my son wouldn't want me to hate all Thursdays.
I think and wonder if they are right..
If I will ever be able to enjoy a Thursday - again?
A Thursday that I don't cry.
A Thursday that I smile.
I can't imagine that day ever coming.
For now it only holds a painful memory, engraved in my mind.
In my being.
I hate Thursdays...