Words for the Journey

As the holidays roll in, I read different takes as to why and how painful the holiday season truly is and why……with the loss of my mom, my brother, and most recent my dad, growing up, we always made the holidays the showpiece and the event of the year……memories were made, fun, togetherness, and gatherings.  Now, all I have are empty chairs and an empty heart. Of course it is painful, sad, and depressing.  How do you make better feelings and memories like those….. we don’t.  I take my time outs when I need to and just cry and that is ok.  But I must also think of those around me, my husband, my niece, cousins and close friends.  I cannot rob myself of holiday memories with them either.  It is always such a catch 22.  So, I cry of loneliness at the holidays and forgive myself, and then I gut it up and enjoy those around me…and that is what Christmas is all about…creating and making memories……and always thinking about the empty chairs…..and I am ok with that….