Grief is a marathon. It's fatiguing and exhausting. We can wonder if it will ever end.
From the Grieving Heart:
I don't like the looks I'm getting. Maybe I'm being too sensitive or seeing what's not there, but it feels like people are tired of me and my grief.
I'm tired of my grief too, but it's not like I can wish it away. The emotions rattle inside me, like some ricocheting superball - back and forth, up and down. I'm exhausted. I can't think, and yet my mind is spinning. I sleep but can't seem to rest.
Yes, I'm tired of grief. I'm tired, period.
I know that being with someone who's grieving is not the easiest thing in the world. Perhaps it's frustrating and draining. If so, no wonder people don't want to be around me. They all just want me to feel better.
I get that. I want me to feel better too. I wish I could.
But right now, I hurt. I can't seem to hide it, either. My grief spills out, unbidden and unwanted.
I'm still a mess.
Grief is exhausting.
Grief can wear us out. After a while, our energy reserves begin to be depleted. Our ability and desire to hold our grief in check may dwindle. Sadness, anger, and frustration begin to ooze out of our pores and onto the world around us.
People who love us are naturally concerned. It's hard for us and difficult for them. Watching us hurt and suffer isn’t easy for them, but it's where we are at the moment.
Being able to accept another person for where they are at any given time is both a gift and a skill. Some people seem to do this naturally and almost effortlessly. Others grow so uncomfortable with grief and its emotions that they either try to pull us out of where we are or distance themselves from us. It's a challenging place to be, for everyone.
And it's especially difficult for those of us with shattered hearts and broken dreams.
We want to feel better. We wish we could. Some days are okay. Others are dark and painful. Getting through the day can require all we've got.
The best we can do is be ourselves, as much as possible. We grieve and let the chips fall where they may. Others' responses are their own. It's not our job to take care of those around us emotionally. They must do that for themselves.
We breathe deeply, forgive quickly, and grieve.
Affirmation: I can't control the words and actions of others. I'll focus on grieving and being the best me possible in this situation.