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I Can't stop my tears from falling

In an instant they seem to flow

Pain it strikes right through me

Not wanting to let go

At times when I am all alone

And it's pouring down outside

I only held you for a while

But my heart holds you forever

Treasured memories bring me comfort

Of the times we spent together

I still smell your baby smell

And sense your tiny form

In death nobody wins only pain and sadness is left in the living. only regret and remorse for the things left undone or never touched upon.  I am broken so full of sadness that not even on a good day full of laughter am I complete.

Jeff was a good friend. He sat in front of me in seventh grade English. He was quiet, respectful, and smart. He was easy to be with.

Every time I hear someone say, it is time to move on, I want to scream. I actually am screaming inside, they just can’t hear. I do not want to MOVE ON!!! To me moving on implies that I am leaving my daughter behind. I am moving forward to a place she has never been and never will be.

It is strange now how the brain views everything. It is as though new pathways were forged in my mind the moment of my loss. This Sunday, October 5, 2014, Tim will be gone nine months. Nine months to bring him into this world, nine months that he has been gone. I fall apart. I tried to not think about Sunday, for it was a Sunday that he left.

I made a vow to myself tonight

Hoping it will last throughout my life

That in me I have the strength to fight

Wipe away the pain, sorrow and negativity

It's lingering does more bad than good

The Lord, I trust knows what will become of me

Trust in Him

Above all else

He knows the way

He knows my heart

He's the light

I ask for the strength of your love 
To help mend my broken heart
To reinvent myself
And live a new life from you apart

Every night I lay awake

Praying for sleep,

But sleep won't come.

When I started writing after my mums sudden death I was writing as a survival technique. I wrote because I was in shock, I was in pain, I didn't know what to do. The more I wrote, the more it helped me embrace all that I was feeling. It helped.