Hurtful Things

It boggles me how when a loved one passes away, other’s are there for you the day it happened and up until the day after the Memorial or Funereal. I’m not taking about just acquaintances and friends, I’m also talking about family members. Some can get ugly, cold and even say hurtful things. Not that I think they mean or even want to do or say the things they say, at least I would hope not!

After a the service of the loved one who’s passed, those people, including family leave the service and go on with their daily lives. We the grievers also have daily lives to continue on with, but for us it takes time to process the loss, the hurt, the guilt, the heartache, the anger, the void and so on. Not saying that those  acquaintances, friends and family members don’t hurt, I’m sure they do! But put yourself in the shoes of daughter who’s just lost her mother who was her best friend, or a sister who just lost her younger brother, or of a father who just lost his son. Think about how you feel about that loss who was your aunt, your cousin, your uncle, your nephew, your niece. The pain and heartache you feel about those losses are 10 x more painful and heartbreaking for those who were the daughter, the sister, the father. These other’s also have to take into consideration on the cause of the loss also! Different kind of losses, cause different kind of heartache and pain.

If the shoe were on the other foot, would you want other’s to comfort you? I think that answer would be, yes.  I always say…. Don’t judge the shoes I’ve walked in, until you walked in a pair exactly like mine. I don’t expect those who never lost a parent, sibling, or child to understand, but I do expect respect for those of us who have. I do know this…. I feel quiet sorry for those who say and do hurtful things to those who lost a parent, sibling, or child, because one day they to are going to loss each on of those family members, and they are possibly going to be eating their own words. They are also going to find themselves hearing and having other’s say and do hurtful things to them, and they too are going lash out at those who have done those things. I would not be one of those people because I know first hand what it’s like to lose a parent and a sibling. I do not know what it’s like to lose a child, but my dad has lost his son, a family I grew up with has lost a son, and a dear friend of mine has lost a daughter, and I can honestly say that I have never said or would have said anything hurtful to any of them!

My children are 17 and 11 years old, and my children are still here with me. I pray to God everyday to watch over my children and keep them safe, because I do not want to know what it feels like to lose a child! I know the heartache and the pain I bare everyday knowing that I lost my younger and only brother, who was like a child to me. So, please, people watch the words and actions for those who are grievers of these kind of losses.