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I wish I could say "I knew my father" I did not but I did know his pain, I knew that pain all too well.  It took over his life ran his world, you see my mom died when I was 9 years old leaving behind a husband and 4 children 11,9,7 and 2.  When mom died in essense dad died also.  At least the part of him that was rationale and tender,loving.  He never spoke of my mother again nope not once she was just gone from our lives forever.  And dad his life after that was full of fear and anger and harshness.  By all outward appearances it seemed as if he

“I trust in you Lord, but keep helping me in my many moments of distrust and doubt.” Henri Nouwen Heart Speaks to Heart.

I don't know if we ever really take the time to sit and truly ponder life and what it's about until we lose someone very close to us. At least it was like that with me.

My Sweet Mary

I could search the whole world through

And never feel more love than I felt from you

Such a sweet and perfect child

Always here to make us smile

You had such a sweet sweet spirit

What a lonely world without you in it

I do not know why you had to go

I miss you more than anyone can know

For in my heart is a huge huge hole

And nothing else can take your place

And nothing will make your memories erase

I don’t know how I will go on

I miss your smile and your song

We have all experienced loss in one form of another, and it is a painful journey that takes a lifetime to learn to live life with.  There is hope always remember that in your darkest hours there is always hope.   I experienced my first loss at the age of 9 when my mother passed away.  I always thought that was the worst thing that could happen.  I can remember many times cleaning my house as an adult and still the tears would fall like rain because I missed my mom so much.  I always thought nothing worse could happen to me that growing up without my mom meant t

There is no missing that Mother’s Day is approaching the stores are filled with gift ideas, commercials are promoting flower sales, even the restaurants advertise special Mother’s Day brunch. It is an American holiday widely celebrated. Sadly, for some Mother’s Day is being anticipated with dread. For mothers who have lost a child the day is always missing someone.

I have been on this journey

For longer than I like

I remember you now

With fewer tears and

More smiles and laughs

But every now and then

It hits me

I won’t ever see you face

And the pain feels the same

As it did that first day