Words for the Journey

I have had a few good days, i know who I am and I even know your name,i could not figure out out why you were ignoring me and then I read my first poem,"Who Am I" and I realized just how mean that I could be.  

 My life has changed since you're not here I'd give anything just to see your faceThat smile that used to light a roomYour little things around the placeI'd stay awake a thousand nightsJust to listen to you snoreTurn a million cartwheelsTo hear your key unlock the doorI'm standing in an empty room

Yeah, I know. Many who know me know that my writings have centered around grief and loss. They may think I have deviated from my new 'normal'. The Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning are actually a very large part of my grief process. We all have little oddities and triggers by the boatload from the loss of someone we love.

Even though most of my grief journey was a fog at the beginning, I will always remember the friends that were there for me, the friends that were not there for me and the friends that continue to walk this journey with me. I remember a phone call to a close friend the day my mom passed.

 I was there with you today..as you sat weeping by the grave of your child..Did you not see My teardrops on their headstone.Can you not see My tears as you are crying in your car..driving... the windshield wipers furiously trying to keep your window clear..My tears are in the rain

My heart and soul is made up of four part's,each child of mine hold's a peice in their heart!And with this bond we'll never be apart!When I see other mommies with their son's a tear fall's down my cheek,my heart aching so bad I feel like I'm dying inside and slowley growing weak.Everybody say's "you hold him in your heart"but for me it's easier said then done to do that part!But these words are

The tears fall freely on my face tonightMy grief has to be seenA journey full of heartbreak, And it all seems like a dream. 

When we think about our hearts, we see this muscle full of blood that resides within our chest. At the loss of someone we love, we wonder how it is that this tiny organ does not burst from our body to lay shatter, with our lives, upon the stone. The pain, so unimaginable, engulfs us, yet our hearts still beat. How is that possible?

Things I have learned about Grief

It's that time of year. People are suppose to be joyous, thankful and full of kindness. Me? I want to throw the remote through the T.V, slap the grins off some smug faces and in general, skip this time of year. Skipping it won't save me. After New Years will quickly follow the one year 'anniversary' of Tim's passing. My heart catches at that thought. One year without him?

Cry now if you need to cryJust know you're not aloneThis earth has lost our loved oneAs Heaven's become their homeI won't say 'Time's a Healer'Or 'It'll get better day by day'