Words for the Journey

Widow, what a strange word! I can’t tell you how many people have said to me, “You need to find a new word to describe who you are”. Who I am? Does the word widow describe who we are or is the hand that we have been dealt?I searched the web, of course, and came up with some interesting definitions for widow as a noun:

I don’t want this painI don’t want this responsibilityI don’t want to face peopleI don’t want to be singleI don’t want this kind of life! 

 On Oct 3rd 2011 at 2:33pm I was told that my baby was dead.  I was 35 weeks pregnant when I got the horrible news no mother ever wants to hear. Your baby no longer has a heartbeat.  Then the news got worse, you have to deliver her.  I had spent 8 months preparing for her arrival and suddenly it was happening.  Just not the way I had planned it.

 The True Heart of a Friend  Friends come in many

   As I drive down this desolate road, one more time, I see an all too familiar and re-occurring site. It is almost dark, it is cold and raining and I instantly know what it is. There it is, a silouette in the distance, merging closer, yet closer. There it stands now, very still. I see it clearly, so barren, so self explanatory, so lifeless. The "vision" says it all.  Again, I know all too well what I must do as I start to pray.

Ken sat on the couch across from me, smiled and exclaimed, “I stopped it!  The uncontrollable crying.  I stopped it!”  Just the week prior I had been at a loss as the 59 year old self-avowed “Momma’s boy” cried with an overpowering despair.   He had been completely inconsolable over the death of his 82 year old mother. 

   We have been thrown blindly into a war in which we never wanted to fight. They entered our lives like a thief in the dark; they not only took our loved one, they also made a declaration of war upon our souls. Did they not expect us to react when they took our loved one from us? Did they think we would sit idly by and watch justice slip away? This was your Pearl Harbor, a blind attack from nowhere. You weren’t prepared for the horror, but you were forced to fight.

Activity For Grieving Tweens and Teens I believe becoming aware of our emotions is a critical step in the grieving process. When we are aware, we can truly make a choice of how we want to experience each day.Here is one of my favorite activities I’ve shared with middle school children in the child bereavement program I volunteer in, which demonstrates this idea:

These Golden Moments in TimeThese Golden moments in Time are caught between the stars and the skyYou will have yours and I will have mine...These Golden moments in TimeAre like delicate flowers clinging on the vineOnce the rain comes, they will be hard to findThese Golden Moments in TimeAre like the tender snowflakes gently drifting to the groundJust too perfect to live or to stay aroundThese Golden Moments in TimeSavor each moment because they are fleetingFor that you can be sure

I was recently asked by a fellow blogger to write for her about a fresh look at grief, which is exactly my current situation. I hesitate to share anything because I know how it feels to be preached at and told how to feel or what you are about to experience following the death of a loved one. In reality, it is drastically different for each and every one of us, so it is irrational to think any of us can define how another person will grieve. So I will not claim to tell you how you will feel but rather share from my heart to yours my own personal experience with fresh grief.