Words for the Journey

The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me to sit down and write for my blog.  I was having major writers block.  When an idea came to me it was usually when I was driving and couldn’t write it down and for me, it I do not capture it when it comes to me it generally nevers comes back or it doesn't sound as good later when i sit down to write. 

So while out shopping I came across something that I really liked.  As a woman you must know that we always want what we want, we like to decorate our homes to look good, when presented with a good deal it is even better (LOL).  The whole time while admiring the brown ottoman my whole intent was to just have it to add to our new space.   

 

For thirty-four years of my life I've never been a secure person.  Always second guessing myself, being afraid to be out in the crowds due to feeling I would be judged, not having the confidence in being in my own skin.  Going out in to the world was a huge task for me to achieve each day. 

My angel grew her wings to stillbirth at 37 weeks in Nov 1996. I called her Lottie-Jette.  

Today someone I loved died.  I can’t believe it.  I don’t believe it.   I won’t believe it.  Family comes, Friends come.  The phone keeps ringing.  The doorbell rings again and again.  The ringing seems far away.  I hear it, but I seem unable to answer.  My legs won’t move.  My feet won’t move.  I am glued to the chair.  Others answer for me.  They seem to know – I don’t remember how.

In my counseling office.  Spring 2011. 

 Listen to the wordsAnd see the tearsHere the painAnd feel the fear I am not the sameGrief has me tornEmotions flood meAs I continue to mourn I don’t understand it

Yes, you do need support! And yes it’s out there.  The support of family and friends is wonderful, if you have it. However, unless they have traveled this journey they will not relate to why you’re still having bad days two years after losing your spouse/partner.Do support group’s help?

Laughter:     I want to tell you something about laughter; laughter is a huge healing tool.  Most of you can probably remember where you were the first time you really laughed, after your child died.  You immediately felt guilty, but you also felt alive.  It took you by surprise.  We have to laugh.  It sometimes takes a while to do it without guilt tagging along.  Short story from last year’s gathering, going up in the elevator, Cindy was asked by a stranger “Your group down there seems to be really having fun, laughing and

Recently, I got a nudge to find a song on YouTube by Don Henley called "The Heart of the Matter." It is a song about the challenges of relationships and the pain arising from their endings. Since rediscovering the genius of Don Henley in this song, I have been giving thought to the challenges of relationships, particularly during difficult times.