Words for the Journey

When a loved one dies we are left with a gaping hole in our lives.  There is such a sense of absence of their physical presence.  The way they hugged us is gone.  The way they smiled is gone.  The way they filled a room just by being in it is gone.  We don’t know how to fill this hole and indeed some of us don’t even want to. 

Grief takes time and it usually takes much longer than we think.  This is not because the old adage of “Time Heals” is true but because we don’t actually understand what we need to do to move beyond grief.  If we look around we can find many people who are in the same place as us.  Whilst this comforts us and makes us feel less alone in our pain it doesn’t necessarily help us move forward.  The paradox is that those who have moved beyond their grief generally don’t tend to spend time talking about it.

It’s a challenge for many people when it comes to letting go of loss.  There can be resistance as letting go is viewed as letting go of your loved one.  This misunderstanding causes people to stay stuck in the pain of grief.  What is misunderstood is that letting go of loss actually means moving away from the pain so that you are able to create a new and stronger connection to your loved one that will support you as you move forward.

There are many benefits to taking time out in nature whilst grieving.  Too often we do not give ourselves the space that we need.  By going to nature we can create this space.  What is even more powerful is that nature has the ability to reduce our stress and boost our immune system.  By being outside feel-good chemicals are released in the brain that can help change the way that we feel.  Our brain in nature experiences the same frequency as it does when we meditate which means our pain naturally lessens in nature.

Despite the pain our lives are better and richer because our loved one was and still is part of our lives.  Creating a lasting legacy as a way to honour your loved one not only helps you move through your grief but can help you live a better life.  As Sogyal Rinpoche says in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying we can end up living lives of greater depth and purpose which gives our loved one’s death even greater meaning.

Any thoughts you have that start with the words would, could and should are an indicator that you are experiencing some beliefs that are not helping you move through grief.  In fact having beliefs with these three words can prolong your grief and cause you even greater pain.

When we experience the death of a loved one we are thrown into a world of unknown emotions.  For some of us we may be experiencing emotions that we’ve never had before.  It’s important to recognise that there are no right or wrong emotions when it comes to loss.  It’s also important to recognise that not everyone will feel the same way as you.  We all have different relation

It’s continually espoused that the anniversary of the death of a loved one, their birthdays, Christmases, Weddings and other special life events can be particularly challenging after the death of a loved one.  These times are known to increase the absence that we feel of our loved one in our life.  They are also known for triggering negative memories and causing old grief to resurface.

 EXPLAINING DEATH TO YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN:SIMPLE GESTURES TO COMFORT THEM

What can we do to help when someone we know has experienced a death of a loved one?By Tanya Lord “What can we do?”“Let us know if there is anything at all we can help with” 

Summer is over. No more trips to the beach. No more sunbathing by the pool. No more ice-cold smoothies on a hot afternoon. Why does it have to end? Sound like something else in your life? Your spouse dies and your marriage is over. No more vacations together. No more mornings drinking coffee together. No more planning for the future together. Why did it have to end?? Seasons change. We go from summer to fall to winter to spring. My life went from single, to married, to widowed, to remarried. 

I'm no stranger to grief, it has been eating me up for the last 6 months.  6 long months have gone by since our daughter was born sleeping.  It took me at least 3 of those months to be able to get out of bed, and go out of the house.   Even when I would venture out, I would avoid key places I had visted when I was expecting her. Just over a week ago today, I lost my best friend my Mom Pauline.  She was 64 this year, and so very heart broken to have lost her first grandchild.  Her heart stopped working, something I have feared will happen to me.