Words for the Journey

“I trust in you Lord, but keep helping me in my many moments of distrust and doubt.” Henri Nouwen Heart Speaks to Heart.I don't know if we ever really take the time to sit and truly ponder life and what it's about until we lose someone very close to us. At least it was like that with me.

The Wonderful Things About Tiggers

My Sweet MaryI could search the whole world throughAnd never feel more love than I felt from youSuch a sweet and perfect childAlways here to make us smile You had such a sweet sweet spiritWhat a lonely world without you in itI do not know why you had to goI miss you more than anyone can knowFor in my heart is a huge huge hole And nothing else can take your placeAnd nothing will make your memories eraseI don’t know how I will go onI miss your smile and your song 

We have all experienced loss in one form of another, and it is a painful journey that takes a lifetime to learn to live life with.  There is hope always remember that in your darkest hours there is always hope.   I experienced my first loss at the age of 9 when my mother passed away.  I always thought that was the worst thing that could happen.  I can remember many times cleaning my house as an adult and still the tears would fall like rain because I missed my mom so much.  I always thought nothing worse could happen to me that growing up without my mom meant t

There is no missing that Mother’s Day is approaching the stores are filled with gift ideas, commercials are promoting flower sales, even the restaurants advertise special Mother’s Day brunch. It is an American holiday widely celebrated. Sadly, for some Mother’s Day is being anticipated with dread. For mothers who have lost a child the day is always missing someone.

I have been on this journeyFor longer than I likeI remember you nowWith fewer tears andMore smiles and laughsBut every now and thenIt hits meI won’t ever see you faceAnd the pain feels the sameAs it did that first day

Contrary to some peoples’ ideas about grief it is possible to experience joy at life even in the midst of grieving.  Grief is not a static emotion but rather it ebbs and flows just like the ocean.  At some moments in our lives our grief is powerful like huge crashing waves upon rocks during a storm.  At other moments our grief is softer and gentler, like a baby wave caressing the sand on a quiet day.  It is when our grief is like this that we can start to find joy in our lives once again.

Grief can be a lonely experience and there is nothing lonelier than when those around you seem to start moving on with their lives and you seem to be the only person left grieving.When faced with this it’s important to make the distinction between grieving and mourning. Grieving is something that we do internally. Mourning is the outward display of how we react to our loss. Just because someone is not mourning doesn’t mean they are not grieving.

There are many different reasons and purposes for telling our grief story. Telling our story is important for so many reasons but understanding why we are telling it helps us to formulate the story for that purpose and to get the reaction that we wanting from telling it. There are three basic reasons that we tell a story and as we move through grief these reasons may change.1. We tell our story to understand that it is real

In today’s society we are in such a rush to get on with things that when a loved one dies we don’t fully understand the need to slow down.  Indeed North American and British societies support this with the fact they only give three days bereavement leave for close family members.  As a result there is an expectation that we can move through grief quickly and it becomes challenging when this doesn’t happen.

There is a huge misconception about grief in that it’s something we have to get over.  Ask anyone who has lost a loved one and they’ll tell you it’s not about getting over anything.  It’s about learning to adapt to unwelcome change.  It’s about learning to live after loss.  It’s about moving through grief to find peace.  It’s about discovering how to keep your loved one in your life.  It’s about still having the courage to love and be open to the gifts that life can bring.