Words for the Journey

For those well-meaning family and friends who say, “I know how you feel,” be aware that this statement is usually made because a person is at a loss for words under devastating circumstances.  What it can really mean is, “My heart breaks for you and I don’t know what to say.” 

The Number 8

After my husband shot himself in front of me more than 2 years ago, I am a changed person.  I would like to say for the better ( in life lessons ), but I cannot.  Shawn & I were together 18 years.  He struggled with depression his whole life.  He was a man with a big heart and smile to match.  Although we were having some marital issues and were in counseling, I was not ready for him to leave my life.  I was not ready for it all to be over so suddenly.

I am not a author,vendor,nor run a support group. I am a grieving mother. I wanted to share my story with everyone so my daughters death is not in vain and will hopefully bring awareness to others so no one else has to endure this kind of pain.My 16 year old daughter, Theresa died on August 16, 2010. Theresa died from a pulmonary embolism, caused by a blood clot, caused by the birth control pill. Before I tell her story, please note that I am not against the birth control pill.

I check on you one minute and you're fineThirty minutes later we're rushing you to the hospitalI didn't understandYou're the strongest man I knowWhen I see you hooked up to all those machines and you looked so scaredThe only thing I could do is prayBut when I prayed I didn't pray for your life DaddyI prayed for your soul and that God wouldn't let you suffer anymore

Closet space is something most girls covet.  We want the space so we can either spread out all of our clothes in a nice and neatly organized fashion, or we want to have the option to buy more, more, more.  We want countless drawers so we can have one for jewelry, one for underwear, one for makeup, etc.  Our obsession with brightly lit walk-in closets reached grandiose levels through movies like Sex and the City where women have closets that could house me and my entire family.  It’s all about the space, the room to spread ou

O Muses, O high genius, now assist me!O memory that didst write down what I saw,Here thy nobility shall be manifest!  ~ Canto II, The Inferno, The Divine Comedy Dante Alighier

(artwork by my son Timothy for a story idea he had.) There some days I listen to my voicemail messages.  I have a voice mail saved from Timmy from two months before he was killed.  I sit and listen, save, listen, save again, listen again...some days afraid that if I don't listen to the voicemail, it will be gone.&nb

Nearly every child has something to take to bed with him or her.  It can be a favorite toy, or something else iconic, that will give comfort and a feeling of safety from nightmares or the monster under the bed or hides in the closet.  For a little girl it could be a doll, for a boy a G.I. Joe…it doesn’t matter the item it the security that is felt that matters.  Timmy was no different.

Is There Really Overcoming Grief To be honest when it comes to the grief of losing a child there is no getting over it.  It’s a misperception in reality.  It is moving through it.  Imagine being immersed in a giant bubble.  The more you push against it, the more resistant it is to breaking through.  The bubble is a part of you – a manifestation of sadness, loss, anger, and questio

 Midway upon the journey of our lifeI found myself within a forest dark,For the straightforward pathway had been lost.Canto 1, The Inferno, The Divine Comedy~ Dante Alighieri

The Nightmare Begins Tuesday, May 17, 2011 4:03 PMOn Tuesday, May 17, 2011, at 4:03 PM, I was informed my whole world was about to change forever even though it had actually changed barely thirty minutes before. I had just left the Police Academy to qualify for my firearm.