Words for the Journey

I was just sitting here, staring out the window.      Angels with White Wings came down and said we have to go.I thought I was dying and became very, very afraid.     When they took my hands in theirs, I prayed and prayed and prayed.They told me not to be scared, they had to show me something.

Dear Casey – Today I flipped the page on your angel-versary calendar from one to two. People say it gets better with time. It doesn’t. This year was harder than last because I feel you slipping that much further away. I feel like all I can do is lie in bed and stare at the wall. I move very slowly. I have to work harder to cement your memory into my brain.

Egocentric GriefOn several occasions in the almost eleven years since my daughter Jeannine’s death, I have attended calling hours for several friends whose loved ones have died. If the deceased is not a child, I will sometimes get comments like, “I know it is not the same (death of a child), but I feel so horrible (about my loss).”

What can someone do to really make a difference as you begin to heal through grief? You probably have plenty of food, volumes of cards and flowers, but what kind of gift would genuinely touch your heart? The gift of memories. 

 

Since you left,I feel so alone;It's hard to think.I'm so numb and dazed;It always seems to beOne of those days. 

With each passing weekMy heart is filled with a voidWith the knowledge You are not here. I look at the calendarAnd cannot believeHow long it's been .Did life  just pass by Without you here at my side?Am I the only one holding onTo the life there was When you were here? 

 Storm Damage to The Garden

I had a dream, this past MayWhere I sat  in the park in great dismayDark clouds loomed above me,with I in despair,My life  was ending with no repair. 

I imagine before my son died 4 years ago I would have watched the promos for the new ABC television series RESURRECTION and I would have been excited to see a show that obviously explores a scenario loaded with the potential for tremendous dramatic exploration. But being on the opposite side of losing a child, the advertisements have done nothing but filled me with unease and anguish.

I think losing a child, in the manner we did; planning his death,may have been more traumatic for my psyche - For a mother.  I can't resolve much. Or see life going forward willingly. It just does go on; Without my permission. So, I have no control;