Words for the Journey

The Grief Toolbox has been very helpful to me in my time of pain and sorrow and I hope to contribute and comfort others as well. I decided to go back to a time when my scar was a deep fresh wound.  I journaled this just two months after the sudden loss of my precious six-year-old grandson, Dylan Skye.

When we’re missing someone, we tend to bump into them everywhere.“What do I miss?” Andrea asked. “Everything! I miss everything. Everything reminds me of Aaron.”“It doesn’t matter where I go or what I do, he’s gone. And it keeps hitting me in the face over and over and over again,” she continued.

I've grown to hate the phrase "move on." For me, I've always mostly connected it in terms of relationships.

When we experience something good, it seems to be human nature to try and duplicate it.“Last time it was wonderful. I’m going to do it the same way again!”“God answered my prayer when I prayed that way. I’ve found the secret. I’m going to pray like that every time!”“It was awesome the last time we did that. So we’ve planned to do it again!”

There is a term called “Disenfranchised Grief” and it can be used to describe any time a person’s loss is not being validated or substantiated by those closest to them.

  “ If you by chance come across my loved one in Heaven, please tell them that I love them”….

Life is full of surprises. Some are great. Some are good. Some are, well, not what we would want.Some are painful, even tragic.When we get surprised by a hit – a betrayal, affair, divorce, financial disaster, job loss, death – our hearts shudder. Emotion surges forth. Suddenly life is not business as usual.

How do I move forward without guilt?Taking into account all that we have built!Alone, confused, conflicted!That’s how I feel everyday, my brain is twisted!My thoughts are in competition with my heart to see which can form the most knots.Move forward?How can I do that without you?

Like a switch we are on and off,Like a nightmare it doesn't stop.I love you I hate you I'm so confused,I feel neglected like I'm being used.You yell you curse you treat me bad,Scared, upset but mostly sad.I keep my mouth shut but it's not enough,

As I watch tears fill his eyes,They tell his story they shield no lies.The pain shows no words to be spoken,He is physically tired his heart is emotionally broken.He smiles just to appease me,The hurt and sad I clearly see.I wish I could take away his pain,

These dreams I have they seem so real,I see you smile your skin I feel.I miss the moments we used to have,I love you so much and miss you bad.I hold you close and hug you tight,Unlike reality it feels so right.What I would give to have you here,