Words for the Journey

Suffocating in grief. There comes a time when you are faced with the most simplistic and most challenging decisions of your life. When grief has become so complicated with overtones of how sweet peace would look like in the stillness of the darkest black you ever saw.... defeat rears it's ugly truth blinding you from the light.....death.  

How do I live without you? That's a question that rings in my head 24 hours 7 days per week. I feel like people are tired of my influx of mental instability. Even my counselors. My head and heart are stuck. The stop button is frozen, ceased to a solid singular event. That day. That day robbed me, it blindsided me, from whence there is no return. Nothing.

The shadow of the day casts a likeness that numbs the heart and soul to transparency. Each breath that I breathe resembles an explosion of love that can't escape my prison of life in grief. Each thought that passes through the fog wrapped in armored steel penetrates deep within my soul and echoes I can't feel today.

Do you feel me standing next to you

I haven't written about this, mainly because of the feedback I might get. But, I'm at a point where, the truth is the truth and this is my truth. One week after my son passed away,  my daughter in law and I went to a medium. It was the best, most important, decision I ever made.  

I am a griever. I am a survivor.

 

A poem Keith Nickerson Shadows fill my aching heart,The Sun, it does not shine, And grayness, it does not part,And leaves my soul behind.Birds sing their songs out loud,I hear but do not feel.The happiness it does not come,My brokenness are wounds of steel.Peace I search for...

I Miss Your Beautiful Smile I miss your beautiful smile,The one that lights the room,That twinkle in your eyes,That melts our hearts,And makes the girls swoon. Your gone too soon,The candle still burns,A flicker of light,Is left undisturbed. Peace be with you,And us below,

A Place Coming to a placeFilled with love and lifeEchoes fill my headThe light is brilliantly bright Surrounded by my lovesGives me peace of mindBut recovery is treacherousAnd bleeds my soul, I find Whirlwind appointmentsLeave their marks on meThe clutches of disappointments

The Blank Pages  The reality sets in as you stare out a frosted window pane. Drifting snow up to the roofs of the cars in the parking lot. It's December 2014 and all you can think of this night is suicide.