Words for the Journey

I want to start by sharing a story that I hope you will find inspiring. It will help you to understand how the body holds on to grief. And, how to let it go. It's about me ;)2004/05 were extremely hard years for me after having lost my boyfriend to cancer and my mother to suicide.

 It Takes a Decade 

Twenty years!  I can't believe that this coming May 2013 will mark the 20th anniversary of the deaths of my 37-year-old wife Cindy and my two-year-old adopted daughter Katie.  Twenty years!  That's seven years longer than the 13 years Cindy and I were married. 

Your role has changed… no longer are you the care giver. Your loved one has died and things are now different. You may be feeling a whole host of emotions ranging from relief, to anger, to disbelief and sadness. You may be responding by questioning who you are now, and how you go on. Welcome to the grief process.

Desolation – n. A state of complete emptiness; Anguished misery.Degree - n.  Any of a series of steps or stages.

Although I suspected my husband was losing his battle with ischemic heart disease, I did not want to accept it.  He had been in his own way preparing me for two months prior to his death in little things he would say and do.  He had been for the past two years getting everything in order here at home so that I would not have to worry about anything when he was gone.

I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love. If you want me again, look for me under your boot-soles.  Walt Whitman            (as stated by Roger Ebert on his plans for life after death) 

  

You came across the waterWith destruction on your mindThinking nothing of the heartachesAnd broken dreams you'd leave behind

PLEASE, don't tell me you know how I feel. If you don't know how it feels to lose a loved one to a sudden accident or uncontrollable disease, you DON'T know how I feel. I lost the one who had the awesome privilege to give life to me, granted by the giver of life, Himself.

I looked up in the sky today and wondered if you knewHow many times a day I spend just thinking about youI wake and see the sunrise spreading glory across the sky