Words for the Journey

Today I was honored to be a volunteer for Run for The Fallen.  A tribute to soldiers who died that have served our country.  In interacting with so many family members, friends, and their support was amazing.  To hear and see pain amongst people broke my heart.  It is a reminder that the grieving process is different for so many of us.  Some were smiling and sharing sto

One of the huge struggles in this grief is the ability to explain it. Each time I try, I flounder. For so long I have been saying that if you have not lost a child, you will not understand it. The word 'understand' is the wrong one. So many actually do understand. So maybe it is more in the knowing? You understand grief, but do not know the depth of each persons sorrow.

It was a Morning just like any otherI got up and began a new dayThen I made my way to the Twin TowersYou didn’t know I’d be going awayBut, you see I’m still here all around youNothing they did could take my sweet loveI was here living life to it’s fullestThe next Moment I was with God AboveI was with you as you got the phone call

Piles Piles of things I need to do... Piles of things I need to sort through, Piles of things I'm collecting for his girls when they are older, Piles of memories that make me smile and some that make me cry, Piles of things to toss out of here sooner than never! Piles with their importance to his lost life,

 You always made me smileAs you shared your life with meAnd now that you’re in HeavenI will share your LegacyI’ll tell them of your loving eyesAnd how you made me laughThey’ll hear my favorite memoriesI’ll speak on your behalfYou touched my life in many waysAnd now it seems so clear

They say you can't choose your family, you get what you get, something about blood thicker than water. Trust me, that's not true. Yet, I am grateful for the family and friends I have. Calling them friends seems wrong when they are so much more. Some family do not exist for us anymore, and that was their choice as well as our own.

I am 48 years old and a widow.  This is not quite how I thought my life would go.

This time last year my baby girl was fighting for her life in HDU. The nurses had been working through the night and were finally preparing her for her journey fifty miles away to the Children’s Hospital.

It's not easy, writing about our loss, it is even harder to share that with so many. We write because in the long run, it helps to get it out of our soul and into the world, a short time of relief. We do not write to tell everyone this is what they will go through, this is what will happen or is happening to them.

My dad died of a heart attack when I was fifteen. I was with him at the time. I was a lifeguard and CPR certified, but I froze. Honestly, it never entered my mind to start chest compressions.Twenty years later, I was in a counselor’s office because I was having grief-induced panic attacks. Unknowingly, I had felt responsible for my dad’s death all that time.

 The Tide of Grief I will let my sadness wash over meas waves of steel in a lonely seathe tide rolls in....in sets of three.  Once it rolls for long lost dreamsall torn asunder at their seams;the turbid water boils and steams. 

I sifted through photos of days gone by.Each brought with it a memory.Life was sweet, carefree, happy.I was young- we all were.Back then, I took for granted you'd always be here.It didn't occur to me you'd be gone someday.Through innocent eyes I viewed the world.