Words for the Journey

Remember how they surrounded you your last few weeks on earth? Remember how people were here at the house from sun rise til sun set? Remember how much people cared? Remember how often the phone would ring? Remember all the knocks on the door from visitors? Once you left this world, they seemingly left our lives as well.

Because of you...   I can't smile the way I used to.   I can't enjoy my time with family and friends.   I can't focus at work.   I can't think straight.

Where do I go, now I'm on my own...I don't know the way, I haven't been shown.What do I do, when I'm alone...No one to talk with, just want to moan.What do I think, about my new life...Don't have a husband, no longer a wife.What do I plan for, what should I do...It's so hard as one, when we used to be two.

I originally published a version of this article for The Open to Hope Foundation (www.opentohope.com) on July 24,2014 following my return from the national conference of the Compassionate Friends in Chicago. I recently found myself drawn to this piece, probably because this year’s Compassionate Friends national conference is drawing near.

When I see the grief in the eyes of parents who have lost children, I see a sea of love held back and unable to reach it's shore. 

I don't know about you but I feel as though I have been kidnapped and held by grief. It will be 1 year and 6 months soon. To be held this long in the depths of sorrow seems like a hi-jacking gone terribly wrong. I have to remind myself that my feet are not bound, I can walk outside, my face is not covered, I can smile, my mouth is not gagged, I can speak, my eyes are not blind, I can see.

Drifting .....Like a boatDrifting .....Drifting .....Out in the middle of the oceanDrifting .....Drifting .....Barely existingDrifting .....Drifting .....All alone I floatDrifting .....Drifting .....This old boat has a few hole'sDrifting .....Drifting .....I barely stay a floatDrifting .....Drifting .....

How do I over come this sadness within or begin to laugh again?I dread each day, there's nothing there.I find it hard to even care.I only have pictures nowA frozen memory in time.They remind me of how it was when you were hereand things were fine My friends all tell me I'll be alright I will have to pretend the rest of my life

 

HOW DO I GET CLOSURE?

Unexpected Allies A soggy battlefield seethed inside me. Regret waged war against reason. Apathy pitted itself against responsibility. Fragility fumed against strength. Fear cowered before courage. 

Our last Sunday: