Words for the Journey

I see you in everything beautiful. Since you have been gone, whenever the beauty of the world touches me, I think of you.

An Empirical Man

When my feet were first set on this lonely path, I did not go silently. I screamed Tim's name, begging my husband to save him, to breath life back into him even though Tim had left hours earlier. In those seconds, I became broke, I became no body. Roughly, horribly, without my permission, I joined the suicide club. A club that is a lifetime membership with no way out.

I wish you would... Remember him and say his name. Remember when his birthday comes. Remember his smile and how it warmed your heart. 

Having lost so many significant people in my life, I found it very hard to move through the grieving process and became stuck in the darkness of pain and the depression of grief. My husband bought me an Angel book where I found this poem.

  The day my first born son died It was raining down the cloudy sky

It is hard, in the beginning, to think back to better times. Hard to pull those memories of your lost loved one to the surface. It hurts just as deeply as the loss itself. They were better times, happier times. You wonder if happy will ever enter your vocabulary again. They are the reflections of your life.

Some comfort in touching seeing or holding our Loved Ones things can help when you feel so far away. I know that it's just the feel and the touch of the things they once held bring me closer and thoughts bring the heart back into that place of peace.

The visions that are sketched in my mind, the memories that  I carry in my heart are what helps keep you still so close to me. Drifting off into a thought,  is what keeps the heart connected and feeling alive but it doesn't get things back as they once were. It starts to cause  walking and breathing can be difficult if you allow your emotions to over power you.

 

I didn't know.There are so many things I didn't know four years ago. Would knowing them have changed my life, probably not, because let's face it, you don't really *know* anything until it happens to you.

Hope is Here