Words for the Journey

The heart holds a great capacity for love. It does not love just one at a time and becomes full. It never fills up, no matter how much love grows there. The loss of a child, for a step-parent is just as deep as it is for a natural parent. We don't realize this and are not deliberately cruel in it either.

Grief is a word that cannot be explained, only felt. We try, over and over again to tell others who have not been here what it is like. How we've changed, the world has changed, everything has changed. They do not comprehend the all consuming emotions that have us in it's grip. They do not understand that grief trumps all, takes over ones life no matter how hard we fight it.

This year has brought and end to innocence. I spent my life thinking that if I treated others good, they would do the same. Sure, there were drawbacks on that. You just can't please everyone. It did not stop me from trying. If my personal thoughts of someone was less than good, I pretty much kept those thoughts to myself. I did not like hurting anyone's feelings, even if they were shit-heads.

A Letter to my HoneyHello there my honey - Just some things I'd like to sayI had no chance to speak to you before I left so suddenly that daySo first I want to let you know, I arrived here in heaven OKAnd I'm writing this letter sitting right next to God's throneHe's telling me the words to say

INVISIBLE WITHOUT YOU.I'm invisible without you.No one remembers my name. I'm invisible without you. Only I can still feel the pain.

Twelve weeks ago, we said good bye in the most painful of ways,I held you as I watched you die, and took half my heart away. But life goes on, or so they say, For me it's just a blur.I fumble through each lonely day, with memories which stirSo many thoughts of all our times, bring smiles and tears together.So watch over me and just know this,

My new mantra is to stop denying, suppressing, ignoring emotions. There are so many people that walk through life not knowing how they feel. Where did the feeling part of oneself become lost? Ask a young child and they will tell you what they feel and why. This is true especially in grief, it’s really important to feel.

There are days that just don't affect me differently,  but then there are days I feel like i should of stayed home. In reality I am not the only one that can dread or shiver thinking about tomorrow. Some days you just think and your mind takes you up hills full of memories and what if.

What happens to our Hearts besides the emotions that are attached and we feel as we try to deal with the stages of the healing process. For me it was the uncertainty of will my Heart ever heal, is the hole in the center stronger than the rest of my Heart and will it take over and make me weaker than I've ever been.