Words for the Journey

It's absolutely heartbreaking when I'm surfing the Internet and actually see just how ignorant people are when it comes to child loss. Today I saw a news article on wpxi.com that pertained to a couple in California who gave birth to an angel.

This is another vacation week for me. I look forward to my vacations. I do. My husband and I can't always take the same weeks,so I end up being home alone with alot of time on my hands. I do not do well with time on my hands and I don't know how to relax.I end up actually dreading the time I spend at home...and I realize -again "This new life? I don't like it and I don't want it. 

There’s no getting away from myself when Day’s incessant chatter quiets. After her shift ends and Night’s long shift begins. There’s no crawling out of my own skin and kicking it into a corner after the pitter-patter of feet, heading to bed, fade out. When phones are charging and message alerts have been switched to the “silent” mode. When TVs are clicked off. When dogs are sleeping.

Sigh, this is not a 'feel good piece' about how you should forgive for your own sake. Forgiveness is a tricky bird. You can say you forgive and find out later that deep in your heart, the blame rages on. To be honest, I do not get 'forgive' and set yourself free. For some people, they need to do that. For me, not so much.

Cat Zen

Yeah, I found that hard to believe too. Normal is not a word that comes to mind in the world we now live in. Normal was calling or getting messages from Tim, daily. Normal was so many things that have passed beyond me now. With him gone, me, who I was, what I was, what I could of been, were gone. I had become something else, someone I did not know and had no wish to know.

 

“This hurts,” Sandy whispered, her face hidden in her hands.Sandy had just lost her mother. She knew it was coming. She’d known for months. She was well prepared.

Statistics show that after losing someone you love, it takes approximately 14 days for life to get back to normal………………..for everybody but you.

Perhaps this piece is redundant, or at the very least an example of “Preaching to the Choir,” because obviously you are online, looking through at least one grief website for help already. But indulge me, because it has been an amazing revelation to me just how useful the internet can be in a grief journey.

In the early days, the 'what if's' torment us as much as the event itself. We think, rethink, and over think. What if there was some small thing we could have done different that would have changed the out come. It is common now, for us to play this game. But to do so will only make our grief deeper if that is possible. We held in our hands the ability to prevent something and did nothing?

I had worked on what I thought for sure would be my third daughter's room for weeks. Pale mint green walls, on which I had hand painted Raggedy Andy and Raggedy Ann in swing sets. An an