Words for the Journey

Grief is one of the most powerful human emotions, and it often coupled with sadness. However, grief involves so much more than feeling blue, although this itself can be a profound emotion. When we lose something or someone that is dear to us, be it a job, our health, a pet, a relationship, or ultimately, a loved one, we experience a rollercoaster of emotions that cannot be defined by one single feeling. Sadness, yes, but so much more besides.

Where does one go from here? We have all of these dates and holidays bulldozing down on us and we are running scared. How much more pain can we be expected to take? Our days are already filled with so much pain we wonder how we can still be standing, talking, walking etc. Now comes the first anniversary, second, third, fourth of our loss. Ahead or behind comes the firsts for birthdays, holidays. By all the Gods, what can we do?

The loss of a spouse, no matter how old you are, is a traumatic experience. Not only are you losing your partner, but death also brings with it stress and anxiety related to financial security, changes in lifestyle, and even feelings of reduced personal safety.

Hello, my friends, it's been a while. I am trying to wrap my head around the holidays and Tim being gone 6 years. It only seems like a moment ago, yet an eternity has already passed. I want to scream that it is not fair that time slows and speeds up at the same time, but I know fair has nothing to do with it. How does such an anomaly happen? I believe our memories and brain fight with each other trying to save us such pain only to bring on more. Where do we go from here?

Of all the skills a new widow needs to master, and there are so many, one of the most helpful is becoming computer literate and very good at online research. I’d rank it in the top three. Why such a high ranking? Why is this one so important?

Because if you get good at online research, you can learn how to do everything else. Full stop.

An old friend from long ago asked me today if I was alone in the world now?

I think the answer depends on how you look at it. It’s true, my family consists of 2 folks well (well) into their 80’s. One is my mother and she has dementia. I also have a 1/2 cousin I consider more of a friend (a very good friend) than a cousin, and another cousin I don’t know well. All of them, other than my mother,  live several states away.

Grief can be a result of many different forms of loss. However, the most common cause of grief is the loss of a loved one. According to Statista, there were over 15 million widows and widowers in the United States in 2018. While not all the people Statista surveyed were seniors, we can assume that the majority of them who claimed to be widowed were seniors.

Death is a concept that feels distanced to most of us; something that seems far away and avoidable. But, the reality is that death happens without warning. No matter how old or young you are, you will never be able to truly prepare for loss.

The thought that one day the people we share our lives with will no longer be there is impossibly deliberating. Of course, any loss is difficult to process, but the loss of your significant other is uniquely painful.

“You’re coming home with us,” I said. My husband and I and our twin grandchildren were standing by the hospital emergency entrance. Nine months ago, their mother (our daughter) died from the injuries she received in a car crash. Now their father was gone, killed in another car crash. The life I had known stopped and I was engulfed in darkness.

Like the words of the famous hymn, “Amazing Grace,” I was blind and couldn’t see.