Words for the Journey

Hey Dad If you had one wish

I know your wish would be

To have me back from Heaven

So that you could just hold me

I know you miss our mischief

And the good times that we had

The times we shared together

That kids only share with Dad

I saw you just the other day

You tried to hide your tears

You’ve always been the strong one

Even after all these years

Hey Dad please know how proud I am

To say I am your kid

And times you had to correct me

When a loved one dies, our lives are altered forever. This includes the future we anticipated.

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:

I have been missing the past. Now, I’m missing the future.

I’m missing my future with you in it. You won’t be there. You won’t be here on your birthday. Or my birthday. You’ll be absent at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and every other holiday. Every special day we had will now consist of just me and my memories of you.

I’m playing catch up as I took last week off to travel to beautiful Sedona, Arizona with my mom and daughter, for the first Ellie’s Way Getaway.  It was an amazing week filled with adventure and discovery.

During our time together in Arizona, we were able to meet those online friends that have become family, those who have helped us and encouraged us through our grief.  The ones we can be authentic with and share our deepest pain. It was magical.

A very dear friend of mine, who has lost her own beloved son, asked me today how far in my journey was I. January 5th will be the fifth year so we are living though our fifth year now. Do I still cry for my son, oh yes, of course I do. Is there still pain and grief? Yes, I believe that will be with us forever, but time will erode some of the edges as we travel. I try not to let the grief overwhelm the life I am living. It can be pushed back for a short time.

This Mothers’ Day I’m thinking about not only my mom, “Beazy,” but also about my one-in-a-million grand mom, Nana! Both will be celebrating the day in Heaven. I wonder, since we know there will be no sadness, carb counting or keto craziness in heaven~ what if they will celebrate the day with one of Nana’s killer 6 layer chocolate cakes?! Is that cake making your mouth water right now, too? 

We mothers will never forget those precious moments when we held our children in our arms for the very first time. We cuddled our babies, sniffing these little miracles swaddled in blankets as we stared in awe of what we have just experienced.  Overflowing with unconditional love for our children, our hearts are forever changed. We would instantly sacrifice our own lives for these blessings from above. Our minds are etched with memories that eternally transform us from the inside out.

When loss strikes, our lives are forever altered. We don't like this new life. Someone we love is missing. 

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:

I don’t like this new life. I want a life with you back in it. I miss talking to you. I want to hear your voice — not a voicemail, but your real voice. I want you here, now.

Every one of us handles grief differently. We walk around dazed and confused trying to understand the deeper meaning of death. Some of us throw ourselves back into our work to be distracted, trying to shake off our grief, while others may fall into a deep dark pit where they try to search for a deeper meaning of it all.

It is difficult when we are open to talk about our journeys and about the loved ones we’ve lost but, sometimes other people aren't. Relationships with others can crumble which often widens the gap    

I have three leaking heart valves and am in acute heart failure. My mitral valve leaks the most. In May a world-famous surgeon is going to replace my mitral valve with a pig valve. Several weeks before surgery I met with my primary care physician. “You need to be prepared,” she advised, “and not be surprised by something from left field.”

Oh my, you should have seen the day
I walked through Heaven's Gate
The Angels sounded warning
They hoped I'd be coming late
They thought the next arrival
Would be loving, meek, and mild
They didn't quite expect
That I'd be crazy, fun, and wild
I shook things up right from the start
Arriving with a dance
I strutted into Heaven's arms
With such a sexy stance
I gave an Angel there a twirl
And shared a big High Five
I jogged right up to God
You know, Our God can really Jive
Some others there were having fun

I'm reaching out from Heaven
Just to talk to you today
I know you miss me and you love me still
Since I have gone away
You still cry tears upon your face
I see them streaming down
Those tears, they come from love
I understand why they're around
I heard you ask the other day
May I visit in your dreams
I'm still with you in all you do
I'm there more than it seems
The bird outside your window
The feather on the ground
Are just a couple signs I send
So you'll know I'm around
On days you find it hard to breathe