Words for the Journey

I sit here with the holidays approaching, staring at my children in tears. I find myself lost in my grief. This has been happening a lot lately. My mother passed away in 2017. The shock seems to be fading and reality seems to be setting in. I’m not prepared for the reality that my mother isn’t here and won’t be ever again. You see, she’s supposed to be here.

 

When loss strikes, our future is unpended too. what we anticipated is no more.

 

From the Grieving Heart:

I have been missing the past. Now, I'm missing the future. 

It is hard to remember that in our silent grief, others are grieving too. I cannot tell them that my grief is greater because I am his mother. We all grieve. There is no yardstick to measure who grieves harder than the other. It is not a contest to be won, it is a shattered life. I would gladly give it away except I don't want someone else to feel what I feel every moment of the day.

Helen, her twins, and my husband John on the Isle of Man, ancestral home of the Hodgson family.

Our elder daughter, Helen, died from the injuries she received in a car crash in 2007. Since then, my husband and I have honored her memory in different ways.

For those who are in recovery, there are some things that are tougher than others to work through, while staying clean and sober. Unfortunately, one of the toughest emotions to deal with in life, at any time, is grief. People grieve over loved ones who pass away, loss of a spouse or a child, and much more. Dealing with grief during recovery can seem impossible.

 We're hurting. The last thing we need is to be evaluated. Unkind and unhelpful words end up only adding to our burdens. 

It's one thing to lose your loved one, but losing them to suicide can be an entirely different story.

 We miss everything. This hurts. We wonder how long this will last.  From the Grieving Heart:

 In times of loss, sadness can easily deepen into depression. It feels like we've fallen into a pit, and sometimes the pit can grow very dark indeed.  

 Grief is draining. Exhausting. No wonder there are times when nothing seems to matter much anymore.  

 Loss hits our souls too. It can jostle us spiritually. We come to realize just how little we control.  

 Guilt is seemingly never far from any of us. When we're grieving, it can become a frequent visitor. Surely someone, somewhere is to blame for all this. It might as well be us.