Words for the Journey

What happened? Why? We look for someone responsible. Often, that somehow ends up being us. We feel guilty. From the Grieving Heart:

You can find my Love in Rainbows You can hear me in your heart Although I am in Heaven We are never far apart As starlight dances in the sky Or raindrops touch the ground That is me, sending you my love So you may feel me all around I know that you sure miss me And you cry for me each day I'm right here watching you go on I never went away When you feel the sun upon your face Or see a bird in f

When asked, few people can name even one man who has been widowed.  But given a few moments for additional consideration, many are likely to say, “Oh wait a minute, I do know one.  He lives down the street or works with me at my office.” When I presented this same question to a friend of mine, he failed to recall how his own father was widowed. I find this stunning.

Anxiety can be a terrible thing. It can hijack a life. In grief, our anxiety baseline naturally rises. Panic attacks can come out of the blue.

When we lose those we love, we come to realize how precious each day is. We know now that life can end in a moment. There are days that we truly wish it would end because the pain is all too real. That day, it is the first moment day. The first moment we realize they are gone pain. Even after 4 1/2 years, I still have those day. The pain is so intense I wonder how I am still standing.

When loss hits, it shakes our world. Everything seems to change. Suddenly, we realize we could lose anyone at any time. Fear begins to invade.

When loss hits, our world changes. This includes our relationships. No one seems to understand. People disappear. We wonder, "Where did everyone go?"

I’ve become so damn exhausted, and I don’t know if it’s from not sleeping or if it’s because I miss you so bad, because before you left was the last full 8 of hours of rest that I had.Now I stay up until the sun begins to rise,  and until the birds start to chirp, because it’s hard to lie still with all of this hurt.

Don’t tell me that you know how I feel, because you don’t have the slightest clue,  and you never had to watch your entire world die right in front of you.

 

Life, at least my life, isn’t about me fixing “me”. There are just some things that life throws our way that cannot be fixed, no matter how hard you try.  Life, though, as painful as those unexpected things it tosses our way is about finding yourself.  But for me, it's was finding myself in the present.

It’s difficult to describe the pain of losing a loved one. It may be one of the hardest experiences of your life, and the grief can linger for weeks. In the days and months following the loss, you might experience concentration difficulties, irritation, sleep problems, loneliness and bouts of extreme sadness.