Words for the Journey

     Angry, alone, confused, insecure, bipolar, mean, miserable, orphaned, simply just different! These are just a few emotions that I can feel on any given day. When I find myself in a place that is foreign to me I hear my lovely mothers voice. She would say Suzanne ( my name is Susie but this is when I know she's serious), don't be contrary to who God wants you to be. 

The Grief Literacy Test Any griever will tell you that although we live in a highly advanced society, grief literacy in our country remains rooted in the dark ages.

     As time goes bye I wonder how I will feel when the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months turn into years. The day that my mother passed away I thought I would never be able to breathe again. My entire existence became a question mark. Where do I go from here? What if I need advice?

You’re not alone as you look in the mirrorAsking God, please say it isn’t soYou’re not alone as you scream why not meIt just wasn’t your time to goYou’re not alone as you drive in your carAnd I hear you talk to meYou’re not alone as you pound your steering wheelI’m Here, I’m Fine, I’m FreeYou’re not alone when you cry out at night

We cannot always understand the pathway on which we are travelling.  The way may be rocky and rugged. We may fearfully travel alone with uncertainty, loneliness and heartbreak – confusion lurking in the shadows. Our burdens feel too heavy as we sink in the marshland or stumble and fall.

Alone each night and during the day Holding back all I want to say I'm not all right, things aren't ok So many roles I'm forced to play. Dear Goddess give me strength Give me quiet, give me peace. Help me take the next first step Help me loose all I've kept. And if it's now my time to go

Let me make it very clear upfront that I am a Bible believing, God-fearing and God serving woman.  It can be no other way and I will never waiver from my faith, but some people do so much damage by offering "simple" platitudes that can inflict guilt, pain and feelings of failure to many going through terrible grief and suffering.

Saying Goodbye 

We feel as though we have walked ten thousand miles, alone and lonely, on a journey we never wanted to start. We have never felt so isolated; the world we once knew passed away with the one we love. Hurt, sorrow, grief are the only companions we have and we don't want nor trust them. Our only wish, only need is to have them back, now, this minute.

We can not turn back time to yesterdaySo, please don’t cry your tears for meHeaven is peaceful and I’m perfect nowWhen you get here someday you’ll seeThough you can’t feel my loving touchMy spirit’s wrapped around your SoulI am not missing out from HeavenI am the Half that makes you wholeWhen your eyes cry, I dry your tears

In 2013 my husband’s aorta split like a garden hose. I drove him to the hospital and arrived “just in time,” according to an emergency room nurse. My husband was bleeding to death and surgeons operated on him twice in an attempt to staunch the blood. No luck.