Words for the Journey

A birth-date is a reminder to celebrate the life as well as to update the life"  Amit Kalantri Your Deceased Child's Birthday

It is difficult to express what this emptiness is. You look out on your future and all you see is a barren land. There is nothing. The landscape has been wiped clean as though a bomb had exploded and cleared all the colors, the animals, life. Your mind begins to shy away from looking to the future, after all, you know that futures are not real now. It can end at any moment.

A New Year is here. To me, a new year means a new beginning and a fresh start. Most years, I make the usual new year's resolution of losing weight to fit into my favorite jeans. And some years, I just have to start life ALL over!

“THE WING DOCTOR” Once there was a Pop that was loved by everyone.  His granddaughter, Samantha loved him enormously!  He called her, Sammie.Sammie’s Pop was very sick, and she came to visit to help her Nana take care of him.  She loved to make her Pop giggle.

This has been a dark and lonely walk. So many who travel this road, yet each one travels within themselves. We meet others who understand our pain, yet our pain is unique to us alone. Such a confusing and empty feeling without those we love. It does not matter what our minds tell us, our emotions rule. Our duality of personality keeps us swirling in a whirlpool of lost directions.

Do you know that I still see youThough I’m in Heaven up aboveI hope you see the signs I send to youI know you feel my pure sweet loveThere is no time you will be judged by meFor living can be hard to doI understand that life can be a testPlease know that I am proud of youI have been in the arms of Jesus

I was a lazy and spoiled 10 year old. I could do things for myself but I would wait until my mom did them for me. Sometimes I had to whine. Sometimes I had to look forlorn and put upon and sometimes she just did them without my machinations.

How does one describe grief?Imagine you are suddenly in a boatIn the middle of an oceanMost of the time the wind is lightThe waves are small and bearable  Then suddenly the wind blows harderThe waves became giantsThey come crashing over youYou feel as if you are drowning

If I could turn back time I would go back to my teenage yearsI would take back every rude thing I saidI would choose to spend time with you, over my friends, instead I am thankful we became so close over your last several yearsI miss our walks, our talks, our adventures with my boys, and all that we would do

Good grief.The first time I remember hearing this phrase was from Peanuts’ character Charlie Brown. Another unforeseen trial had come his way. Things hadn’t turned out like he’d expected. He’d been misunderstood again.“Good grief.”I used to think “Good Grief” was an oxymoron. Now I know different.Loss is a part of life:

Freddy, honey? Are you there? I know you can hear me…

To those that move in next to this house they will never know that some of my best and worst moments reside here. They will never know that this house is not just any house, it was her home. Filled with the only memories I have left of her.